Being thrown away like trash – my breaking point
About eight years ago now, my worst possible fears were realized. The workload in my Virtual Assistant business was out of control. There just weren’t enough hours in the day to get everything done. I was working easily from 8 am to 8, even 9 pm sometimes, and never getting ahead.
I could feel everything slipping away, but I didn’t know how to stop the runaway train – and I guess I didn’t want to admit that I couldn’t handle it all.
Then one of my clients fired me without any warning or even a conversation. I felt like such a failure, thrown away like trash. Just suddenly an email… your services are no longer required.
When all inner lights go dark
It was the worst thing I could have imagined. You’re shit. You’re a failure. You’re worthless to me. The world would be better off without you.
During the many painful weeks before that, the suicidal thoughts weren’t what worried me the most. It was the self-harm images and impulses that seemed the most likely. I kept seeing myself smashing my hand into my desk until it was hanging limp from my wrist in a bloody, lifeless mess. THAT would make all of the torment stop.
I never imagined the day would come when my confidence would be reduced to dust. Yet there it was – a moment I could not avoid.
Burnout recovery, spiritual growth & discovering true kindness
After the firing, the impulses were harder to control. I decided to reach out for help. Through the wonderful process of Eidetics, I was able to claw back my sense of self-worth and purpose. Eidetics is a true blessing, and something everyone should learn more about.
After getting back to myself, I started to wonder – what was the lesson for me to learn? I believe people come into our lives to teach us what to do or what not to do. That client would seem to most of the world to be a sweet, kind, endearing person. Was I as kind as I thought I was?
Shortly after my recovery, I started to notice synchronicities around the new heart and brain coherence research. My spiritual journey took off with gusto, and I started my blog, Feel Into the Knowing.
Day after day, images of kindness, quotes, and stories came to me. I opened my heart and welcomed them in. I learned more about meditation and returned to my practice. I learned to Love (always capital in my book) myself again. To tell myself each morning: I Love you, JoJo. I know how hard you’re trying to give your best. Keep going… you CAN make a difference.
Facing fear again – and responding with Self-Love
Fast forward about three years, and I relived the same experience again.
I’d been looking for a new client and wanted very much to work with someone doing meaningful work to make the world a better place. But being in need of a serious financial correction, I started to wonder if I should just try this new client – any client, for heaven’s sake – and maybe it would work out. So I ignored my instincts and tried to be the “team player.”
Within days, the mistake was clear. Two days of haphazard training, scheduled training calls where the client simply didn’t show up or care that my time was wasted, and snide comments like I should have asked, “Are we still meeting?” instead of saying that I was ready and waiting for her.
On day three, she fired me, claiming I wasn’t catching on fast enough – What a relief!!
When trust became a blanket
The difference in this experience of being thrown away without a conversation or a chance to redeem myself was astounding. I felt so much stronger – steady, sure on my feet, grounded in Faith, Self-Love, and Knowing. I could feel my newly learned lessons in self-care wrapped around me like a beautiful, soft, warm blanket, showing me that I’d done the work and that my sense of worth comes from within. I’m safe, Loved, and on the path that’s meant for me.
Within a week, the client of my dreams fell into my lap, and I couldn’t have been happier.
Life’s lessons tend to come to us in strange ways, and it’s our chance to hold steady in faith and learn what Source is trying to teach us. I feel so completely grateful for the Love and kindness being returned to me tenfold in my new client relationships.
We should always try to remember, when we’re living through the storm, the lesson on the other side can be drenched in sunshine. 🌤️
If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. I’d Love to hear what part of this journey spoke to you. Reach out in our Community.
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