I had quite the most unusual experience the other day. I was approached by a previous teammate about a new support position she had available in her new company. As I mulled over the idea, I came to realize a few things.
In the year since we’d last discussed the opportunity of working together, many things had changed in my life. I’d crafted my day into something I was not only comfortable with, but into the dream I’d been longing for – a slow morning.
- I wake up when my body says it’s ready.
- I exercise first thing in the morning.
- Spend time in my garden.
- Share breakfast with the family.
- Work on my blog.
- Plan out the rest of my day.
It gives me such peace to even write down how slow and comforting that all is.
Coming from a life of supporting others, in corporate and later entrepreneurial environments, with rushed deadlines, long lists of tasks that will never get done, and my insatiable desire to always please, the exhaustion took a serious toll on my enjoyment of life.
Have you ever gotten tired of being tired?
Tired of always putting yourself last?
Tired of not feeling worthy of fulfilling your own needs while taking care of everyone else?
Tired of coming to the end of yourself…
Tired of not seeing a way out that didn’t end in self-destruction?
I drew a line in the sand and vowed to lavish as much Love on myself as I constantly lavished on everyone else.
I vowed to be as good to my body as she’s always been to me.
Any entrepreneur knows that being self-employed comes with its share of uncertainty, and of course financial stability is at the top of that list. I’d spent the past year intentionally creating a slower, more peaceful life, and I knew I wasn’t ready to return to the pace I’d worked so hard to leave behind. So I tried to gracefully withdraw from the offer.
When the idea of restructuring what my contribution might look like was presented, I decided it was worth a discussion. It’s amazing how quickly the promise of financial security can make us question the very life we’ve worked so hard to create.
On the morning of the scheduled call, during our morning walk, I started to notice the signs of a migraine headache coming on. I’ve had a total of about 5 migraines in my life, spread out over about 30+ years. They typically start as sharp jagged kaleidoscope shimmering in my peripheral vision, and once that subsides the pain starts. This time the oscillating was in the center of my eyes, which had never happened that way before.
I tried to negotiate with my body.
Just let me get through this call and I’ll go lay down and take it easy.
I won’t promise to take on too much work.
I’ll just see what the options might look like.
The more I talked, the worse the pain got.
Thirty minutes before the call, I could barely see the computer screen enough to type out an email saying I needed to go lay down.
It was the worst migraine headache in recent memory. At one point, I couldn’t even comprehend what my husband was saying when he was asking if I needed to go to the doctor. The next day my temples were sore to the touch.
WOW,
OK…
I heard you sweetheart.
My body was not having any of it. She wasn’t interested in negotiating. She felt safe in our new reality, and she had no intention of letting me abandon it. She completely shut me down.
I’m constantly amazed at how the body seems to be its own entity. How we typically don’t have any clue what’s going on inside us. And we’re blissfully unaware of all the systems and functions that it’s maintaining on any given day.
My body reminded me that day that wisdom doesn’t always arrive as a thought. Sometimes it arrives as a feeling. Sometimes as exhaustion. Sometimes as resistance.
And sometimes… if we’re not listening… it arrives as a migraine.
I love the life I’ve built for myself.
I trust that the path I’m on is right for me.
I will not betray her trust again.
Have you thanked your body for all it’s done for you lately?
More importantly… have you started listening?
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